Saturday, December 27, 2014

I have loved the quiet moments of 2014's anticipation leading to the birth of Jesus, pondering his coming in human form, considering with closer looks what this means in my day to day living. God has faithfully loved and held me close despite my own lack of faithfulness to him as I catch myself so easily falling into a false sense of self-security, of acting and subconsciously thinking I have "arrived" spiritually and really acting like my need for Christ is optional depending on how my day/mood is.

In early November, Brian & I got the sad news that we'd lost our first baby to a miscarriage. God has been reminding me once again that the hard times are the best growing times, and while I fight and resist these unfamiliar circumstances in which I feel out of control and tread this new and scary territory of having lost our baby, I find myself thankful for God's unending grace in bringing me back to my knees, to a renewed awareness of my utter dependence and need for my Savior.
The verses below have been dear to me this Christmas season in a new and precious way:

“The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them a light has shone…
For unto us a child is born,
To us a son is given…”
(Isaiah 9:2, 6)
There have been days and moments of darkness for Brian & I, and while the Son in these verses is not the little Smith baby we anticipated, I am humbled immensely and filled with wondrous thanksgiving that THIS Son has held us close through every tear and feeling of anger, loss, sorrow, and sadness. And that this Son's Father gave up far more than I'll ever be able to comprehend SO that I can be found in the loving arms of the Author and Perfecter of my growing faith.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

6 months of marriage

“If we hold tightly to anything given to us unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used we stunt the growth of the soul. What God gives us is not necessarily "ours" but only ours to offer back to him, ours to relinguish, ours to lose, ours to let go of, if we want to be our true selves. Many deaths must go into reaching our maturity in Christ, many letting goes.”
― Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control

I love him.
 
And I love my LORD.
 
And I am thankful to Him for the gift of Brian Wesley Smith as my husband!
 

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

marriage thus far...

Four months ago today I became the wife of Mr. Brian Wesley Smith!
(photo credit: Rhino Media Productions)
 
I moved to winter quiet town of South Haven, Michigan.
(photo credit: Brian's student Dylan)
 
We have been busy adjusting to married life (he'd tell you the transitions have been harder for me than him; I agree!), sharing holidays with each of our families in Sawyer and Kalamazoo, learning and growing as teachers, welcoming the newborns of close friends, training for a 5k, and setting up our home...
Some of the biggest learning experiences for me are still in the making, as I learn to let go of preconcieved expectations I held for myself as a wife (i.e. meal planning & cooking, cleaning, time management, etc). My LORD has graciously been revealing to me that much of my anxiety in transitioning from singleness to wifehood is self inflicted by my own, human expectations of what I always thought a good wife looked like. As I spend time reading the Bible, listening to encouraging sermons, and listening to the wisdom from my gentle, understanding husband, I grow in recognizing that a "good wife" loves Jesus. Period. (Yes, it's true that this was head knowledge for me, but applying it in the real deal has taken some learning.)
In "The Cross Centered Life" by CJ Mahaney, there is a quote by D.A. Carson that grabbed my attention a while back...
"I fear that the cross, without ever being disowned, is constantly in danger of being dismissed from the central place it must enjoy, by relatively peripheral insights that take on far too much weight. Whenever the periphery is in danger of displacing the center, we are not far removed from idolotry."
Convicted to consider what the center of my life was, I was able to refocus and scootch wifehood to the periphery and put Jesus and the cross back in its rightful position at the center. I continue to learn daily what being a godly wife looks like, but without anxiety because putting Christ as my center has brought that all familiar peace that comes from being exactly where he wants me. 



Saturday, September 29, 2012

it is 13 days short of the day that I sat down to write a post about how 28 is great and about how i was looking forward to what the LORD had to teach me in the next year. As I sit down and reflect on some of the things I have learned, I am humbled. and grateful. and in awe. and worshipful. to the ONE who is my Abba Father, my greatest love, the author of my salvation, the king of my days. I wonder what this 29th year of my life will hold... May He be honored in it.
It has been a while since I last sat down to blog a bit about the happenings of my days, and wow - there has been much change!
*I'm engaged to be married!
*I've created a wedding blog with the meeting, dating, engagement story of Brian & I (copied below)
*I've begun my fourth year of teaching for Berrien RESA's Autism program.
*I'm wearing the most beautiful, elegant, perfect engagement ring.
*I have in my posession a wedding gown and a license to wed.
*I'm counting down the days until I become Mrs. Brian Smith (20 after 2:00 this afternoon)
*I will turn 29 on October 3.

Here is our story (so far...)

Sarah & Brian

1. It was October 2011 when I introduced myself to Brian Smith at Freshwater Community Church in Coloma, Michigan with little thought. He was not on my radar as anything more than yet another cool person God brought into my world...

As months passed by, we began to see more of each other at church gatherings, community group, youth group meetings and shared stories of things we had in common, especially in relation to our teaching professions. He was still not on my radar....

January 2012 brought about a series of shared experiences with the youth group, where I began to notice some characteristics about this man that were intriguing- the way the local youth respected him highly, his great listening skills, and his thoughtfulness (i.e. intentionally opening the door for me at church one day). I also noticed his height when I went up to ask him a question once! :)

There was a youth retreat planned for the last weekend of January, and I knew- when my excitement level about going was a little over the top- that this man had begun to catch my attention.


2. End of January/beginning of February 2012: Radar spotting!

I managed to get myself a ride to retreat in the Suburban that Brian was piloting, and the 3+ hour drive shared with several of his past/current 9th & 10th grade students was filled with memory making, including a 29 minute freeze out on the highway in the middle of winter! Nothing "special" happened at retreat, we just kept investing in our relationships with the students, yet I also found myself hoping we'd end up near each other during various activities. After a long, tiring, wonderful weekend, I got back home to Stevensville and crashed, hoping to rest a little before the school week began. However, a text from Brian asking if I might want to come to Coloma to watch Psych with him, Justin & Lindsay put me back in my car and on the road again. (Justin VanFerrari said he knew something was up when I did this-totally not typical of me!) The following week, texts flew back & forth, and seemingly all of the sudden, Brian Smith was huge on my radar!


3. February 8, 2012

Two jars of clay talk about life & grace & a Saviour

We met for our first date, before youth group, at Qdoba in St. Joseph, Michigan. I'd shared lunch with Anna that day and knew that I wanted to hear Brian's story for our first date. I was pretty nervous to say the least, so much so that we walked right out of the restaurant without any food and drove to the beach where I had opportunity to hear his story and share some of mine. This was a very special evening of talking about what God's done in our lives to bring us where we are today, by his grace. 1 Corinthians 4:6-7 "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."
 
4. Journaled between February 14- May 6, 2012

Ask me why Brian Smith has captured my attention & is winning my heart...
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to name a few: *a Son of the One I call LORD of my life *Abide… *man of prayer *loves the Word *interprets the Word w/ life application questions, understanding *2 Cor. 4:5-7 *total realness *I am 100% at peace; never felt that way about anyone else I’ve ever been interested in *butterflies *not afraid to challenge me *lover of adventure *similar interests/convictions *desires to have a family *we pray together (my heart melted when he first offered to pray with me (2-3-12; I always dreamed of having a relationship like that….) *loves God first, then people *passionate about following God *respected by students *gentle *caring *opens doors & pays for dates *understands my lack of understanding in certain things and is willing to teach me (i.e. basketball) *seeks accountability from respected Christ followers *strives to go to God before me *life long learner *learning to live in Reality of Redemption *willing to set boundaries with me (i.e. time & physical) so we can best honor the LORD *genuine compliments & words of affirmation that melt my heart *holding hands… ☺ *so “boy” (Jeep, adventures in nature, etc.) *seeks God on his own and with me… *seeks clear & consistent communication *those who know him respect him (many people of a variety of ages) *family is important to him. He has a good relationship w/ immediate and extended family (Many in family are believers (an extra blessing!)) *desires to have a family (is good with little ones) *strives to make wise, financial decisions (no debt/credit cards) *desires to spend daily time with God in the morning; recognizes impact this has on him *learns from, thinks about and applies the Word *recognizes the importance of being in a church body *seeks spiritual accountability from trusted, respected followers of Christ *relates with people on a level they can understand/be comfortable with *respectful *respectable *learns from mistakes *gets along well with my family *my friends respect & like him *he is becoming my best friend…. *the things he appreciates about me are the ways I have seen the LORD change and mold me throughout my life; he appreciates who God has made me, the “God version, not Sarah version.” *my standards, values, and worldview are respected by him; in many ways match his own.
 

5. Journal entry from July 5, 2012

The Asking of Her Hand
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"Today, if all goes as intended, the man I love will talk with my daddy... oh the wonder of it all, that the man who raised me from infancy, has loved and cared for me so very well over the past 28 years, will meet today with the man, who LORD willing, will love and take care of me for the rest of my time on earth." Engaged to be engaged!!! No ring yet, but having talked about a fall wedding and getting the go-ahead from Daddy & Mama, wedding plans began in earnest! Not shouting to the world that I get to marry Brian Wesley Smith was far from the easiest thing to do, but I was able to enjoy getting some time to soak up what it all means before answering questions and getting every detail taken care of.


6. August 24, 2012

The Ring!
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Brian and I have a sort of tradition to read through the Psalms together, and on occasion we have shared coffee & read a psalm on his parents quiet front porch looking out at God's beautiful creation. So- when he asked if I'd like to sit on the rocker for a bit, I thought nothing of it but thankfulness for another precious time like this before school craziness began... We were supposed to read Psalm 49 that morning, but as we sat down, Brian mentioned that he wanted to read a psalm that his Grandma Co had told him about and that he'd read earlier that week, so we turned to Psalm 34. Reading through it, there were a few things that caught my attention and we shared about how various verses connected to some life situations and goals we had. My heart particularly connected with Psalm 34:3, which says, "O magnify the LORD with me, let us exalt his name together." As Brian re-read this verse, he mentioned that this was a verse his grandma thought would be a wonderful PROPOSAL verse!!! I just stared at him as he got down on one knee in front of me, took my left hand and asked if I would spend the rest of my life trying to worship God with him as his wife!!! I was overcome with a myriad of emotions, thankfulness, joy, wonder, and praise to God for this moment, for this man whose heart is for the LORD, who was asking me to join him for a lifetime of togetherness in making God bigger. I could not speak, and just wrapped my arms around him as I cried and cried and finally was able to look at him and say, "yes." As he got off his knee, he asked if I'd like to see the ring (which I'd known was coming and had been anxiously awaiting). As he opened the box and slid the ring on my finger, I felt so blessed by more things than I can put into words. Dainty, elegant, sparkling, PERFECT! This ring holds such significance as I continue to live the next 56 days of my single life preparing to marry, live with and love the LORD with Brian Wesley Smith for the rest of my earthly days. p.s. Brian gets mega points for surprising me with this proposal that I knew was coming any day!

 

Monday, March 26, 2012

lessons in sunsets, obedience & delight


How many hundreds upon hundreds of sunsets have i stood and reveled in, caught a glimpse of, driven alongside of, and without fail my heart swells with joy and wonder and thankfulness to One who Created such beauty that pleases people all over the world? last night, shortly after catching this sunset on Lake Michigan, Brian & I read Psalm 19 and verses 4b-6 captured my attention. 

"In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes it circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth."

So, not only does our Creator God delight to give good things to his children, but he also has set forth an awesome example of the joy and beauty and increased worship to God that springs forth from obedience. 
*May my life be this for you, Oh LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.*