I have loved the quiet moments of 2014's anticipation leading to the birth of Jesus, pondering his coming in human form, considering with closer looks what this means in my day to day living. God has faithfully loved and held me close despite my own lack of faithfulness to him as I catch myself so easily falling into a false sense of self-security, of acting and subconsciously thinking I have "arrived" spiritually and really acting like my need for Christ is optional depending on how my day/mood is.

In early November, Brian & I got the sad news that we'd lost our first baby to a miscarriage. God has been reminding me once again that the hard times are the best growing times, and while I fight and resist these unfamiliar circumstances in which I feel out of control and tread this new and scary territory of having lost our baby, I find myself thankful for God's unending grace in bringing me back to my knees, to a renewed awareness of my utter dependence and need for my Savior.

The verses below have been dear to me this Christmas season in a new and precious way:

“The people who walked in darkness

have seen a great light;

those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,

on them a light has shone…

For unto us a child is born,

To us a son is given…”

(Isaiah 9:2, 6)

There have been days and moments of darkness for Brian & I, and while the Son in these verses is not the little Smith baby we anticipated, I am humbled immensely and filled with wondrous thanksgiving that THIS Son has held us close through every tear and feeling of anger, loss, sorrow, and sadness. And that this Son's Father gave up far more than I'll ever be able to comprehend SO that I can be found in the loving arms of the Author and Perfecter of my growing faith.